How to Cope with Grief: A Shitty Part of Life
Elon Art Professor LM Wood passed away in her sleep this past Saturday. LM was a special mentor that was treasured by many of her students, including myself. LM always was impressed and supportive on The Edge. I found myself extremely distraught and needing emotional support when hearing about her passing.
Losing loved ones is an inevitable part of life although, until now, I didn’t know the best way to cope. Anyone experiencing the pain of mourning is open for ways to ease the loss. Here are a list of some things I’ve gathered to help you or a person close to you–regardless of religion–who is grieving, in honor of LM.
If you are experiencing loss...
Don’t ignore the sadness.
Research shows that suppressing your emotional reaction to loss will just prolong a negative effect on your mental state; it can result in isolation and frustration from your support system. Talk about them, or just cry, that's ok too.
2. Find a way to honor the person.
Everyone deals with grief differently, although, each person can choose a way to honor the lost one in a way that feels comfortable. Some ideas include looking at photos, donating to a charity in their name or even just talking about what made them special to you. Pass on their legacy.
3. Seek support.
Tell people close to you what you need. Due to the fact that everyone deals with grief differently, your family and friends may not know what's best for YOU. Even if it’s something as little wanting them to just listen to you talk about them, directly them you need that.
The meditation app Headspace provides a specialized Grief Pack. This is a resource that has the potential to provide specialized strength and solidarity for grievers.
If you find that support from those close to you or meditation isn’t helpful, seek out psychologists specialized in helping clients struggling with grief. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Loss is freakin awful.
As a first step, Elon Counseling Services can be reached at (336) 278-7280 or after hours at (336) 278-5555.
If someone close to you is experiencing loss…
Make suggestions, but carefully.
Sometimes, you can identify something helpful the grieving person can’t. It is important to choose your words carefully so it is misinterpreted. In this instance, ask, “When I was going through a difficult time, something I tried was 'X'... do you think this could help you?” If they answer yes, offer to enable “X” to happen.
2. Ask “what can I do to help?”
The answer can let you know specifics instead of just expecting you to provide what they need.
3. Don’t let fears about saying or doing the wrong thing stop you from reaching out.
Mourners need to know they have support to move on. If you don’t know what to say, here are a few things that will do no harm and in fact may open opportunity for growth.
Saying these simple things is better than saying nothing.
“I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.”
“Do you want to talk about them?”
I love you and I am here to listen.
Yes loss is a part of life, but it’s definitely a shitty part of life. I hope these suggestions can help with moving on.