Own Your “O”

This article is part of our Fall 2020 print issue. See the full, digital version of the issue here.

Fifth grade. Health class. Boys have cooties, tampons are scary. The wondrously awkward period in life called puberty has commenced. By this point, your health teacher has popped a dated VHS tape into the TV and began the conversation about periods, erections, and body odor, each accompanied by a fill-in-the-blank worksheet. Girls would have periods and boys would have erections. Maybe you saw the boys busy high-fiving in the back because they could jerk off now. But what about the girls? 

Female sexuality and genitalia is often seen as a forbidden subject—especially when it comes to orgasms. The dirty truth? Women have just as much of a sex drive as men do. Yet when it comes to talking about female masturbation, it’s still taboo. 

Shannon Lundeen, Elon’s director of academic-residential partnerships and associate professor of philosophy, says the stigma surrounding female masturbation is a product of a long history of ignorance. 

“The lack of normalization and understanding of women’s sexual health and their ability to satisfy themselves sexually stems from an overall ignorance about women’s bodies and our desires,” she says.

Society continually supports the sexual objectification of women, yet the concept of female self-satisfaction is abnormal. The lack of education, awareness, and normalization surrounding female sexuality perpetuates a destructive narrative, leading women to feel ashamed of their own desires. 

“It’s totally normal for men to jerk off. You can see it all over pop culture. [Women] have not been told how to spend time with our own bodies and explore them,” says Lundeen.

It’s time to prioritize the female orgasm. It’s time to own your “O” and empower your p*ssy. Explore your body, and figure out what works best for you. You might just find that masturbation will allow you to achieve better orgasms with a partner.

“Having an orgasm while having sex with someone else, regardless of partner, and the lack of practice in masturbation—those two go hand in hand,” says Lundeen. “We’ve seen through a conventional male gaze of how women’s bodies can be used to please other people and how we are supposed to get a sense of self-gratification through that objectification. We need to unlearn that.”

Knowing your body and what brings you satisfaction can result in better sex and better communication with your partner. “You need to think of masturbation as homework. Think of it as studying for a test. How are you gonna get that orgasm to 100 percent or score 100 percent on the test? Set time, lock the door, explore your body,” Lundeen says.

The benefits of female masturbation extend far beyond self-satisfaction. Lundeen explains its role in social justice for women. 

“When we talk about gender equity, we’re not just closing the wage gap, we’re not just talking about parity in political participation. We’re talking about closing the parity and closing the gap in sexual and erotic pleasure,” she says. “Women cannot do that if they do not know how to please themselves sexually and we do not know how to teach others.”

Masturbation isn’t just a sexual matter. It has the ability to empower someone emotionally, physically, and mentally. Owning your O isn’t just about being “better in bed,” it’s about taking the time to appreciate yourself and cultivate confidence. Ultimately, by normalizing female masturbation, we are working toward a more equitable society for women. 

CONFESSIONS

“I didn’t know I could have an orgasm on my own until I was 17 years old. I was always grossed out just by the idea of touching myself. Now, years later, it’s sad to me that I felt that uncomfortable with my own body and my own sexuality.” 

“My freshman year I lived in an all-girls dorm on campus, and I overheard a friend talking about how she was so excited about her vibrator. Puzzled, I asked ‘Wait…you do what?’ I was shocked. I had never heard of anyone doing that and boasting about it. That was the first time my friends and I had an open conversation about masturbation. We were all hesitant talking about masturbating, yet we were totally fine talking about sex and who was getting with who.” 

“It’s important to know yourself and to feel comfortable with your own body in a sexual context. It honestly helps me deal with stress and getting to sleep at night.”

For more information on sexual health, safety, and protection, Students Promoting Awareness Responsibility Knowledge & Success (SPARKS) is a great resource.

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