How Neutral Self-Talk Can Radically Change Your Life
For people who have long suffered from insecurity, positive self-talk doesn’t appeal. In full transparency, I know because I have struggled with insecurity for a long time. I also know I’m not the only 21-year-old, female-identifying student who has felt unsure of themselves.
Insecurity kills self-esteem and can cause damage to relationships. Despite the lonely and isolated feelings insecurity brings, it shrinks out in the open. It can be a pretty difficult obstacle to overcome, but it isn’t impossible.
In fact, it is very possible to overcome with the right skills and enough determination. And who doesn’t love a good challenge? Let me introduce to you: neutral affirmations.
Wait! Before you keep scrolling or exit out of the tab, hear me out. This is different from positive affirmations.
You may remember growing up and hearing “treat others the way you want to be treated” because it humbled you and encouraged kindness for those around you. After growing older, I have come to realize that those elementary lessons showered on many people had missed a valuable component: the self. Today, many of us need to be reminded to talk to ourselves the way we would talk to our neighbors and friends, with love and respect. And that doesn’t necessarily mean extreme positivity.
Over the summer, I decided I wanted to change something about myself. I decided to heal holistically. One of the greatest outcomes I took away from my journey of holistic healing was realizing the way you speak to yourself matters. In the beginning, complimenting myself or even changing everything I experienced to be something positive felt silly, unrealistic, needless and bizarre. I had no idea the profound impact self-talk has on an individual because I had only experienced an external means of affirmation. You can bet words of affirmation are a love language of mine.
Studies show that positive self-talk affects an individual’s mental health, relationships and quality of life in positive ways much more than negative self-talk does. One study even looked at the differences in positive and negative self-talk as they relate to people with low or high life satisfaction. The research revealed that self-respecting self-talk acts as a way of regulating and balancing basic psychological needs related to life satisfaction and makes an individual more satisfied overall.
Now, I wasn’t comfortable enough in my own skin to immediately dive into self-care with positive affirmations. I was definitely the kind of person to encourage it for others, but for myself? No way. When I heard of an alternative to positive affirmations, I became intrigued. Rather than self-love, it was self-neutrality.
Neutral affirmations and self-talk are the kinds of thoughts that remind you to lay off self-criticism and shame and prevent a negative impact on your mood. According to licensed clinical social worker, Karen Loethen, there is an abundance of power in neutral affirmations. Through the use of statements that are neutral but true, one can reap the benefits of improved self-esteem and self-confidence.
Here are some examples:
- “I am okay today.”
- “I made a mistake.”
- “I haven’t figured it out yet.”
- “I did it because it helped me cope in that moment.”
- “Now that I know I can do better.”
- “I will have to try again.”
- “I wish things were different.”
- “This is what I can handle right now.”
Though research shows the benefits of positive self-talk in academics, performance and relationships, there are still evident benefits of implementing neutral affirmations if positivity is too difficult. Neutral statements provide a challenge against self-critical thoughts and negativity, allowing focus on reducing negativity, not just increasing positivity. It also prompts a consideration for how we talk to ourselves, which is a major step in caring for our own well-being.
Trust the process, and know that insecurity, dissatisfaction and negativity are valid struggles for everyone. And though self-love and positive affirmations may be the end-goal, self-neutrality and neutral affirmations are guiding your mind in the right direction to radically change your life.