If I’m Friends With Your Abuser, DM Me

TW: This article will go into depth about the issue of sexual assault and rape on campuses.

Although sexual assault affects millions of people every year, the problem is far from being resolved. With the rise of the the #MeToo movement in 2017, awareness has definitely increased, but the issue of sexual assault and rape on campuses has not gotten any better. More celebrities and influencers have begun speaking out about their own experiences, ultimately making it easier for other people to talk about their experiences, but many remain too fearful to speak up. This increased awareness has allowed survivors and victims to build a community and find necessary support. Despite the political and social changes that have occured thanks to the #MeToo movement, there is still an underlying taboo-ness surrounding the issue of sexual assault and rape. Society has deemed it a strong, uncomfortable topic that people tend to avoid. Sexual assault has an inappropriate connotation, making it difficult for people to openly talk about it. It’s time to officially break the stigma surrounding sexual assault and rape, and bring awareness to this issue on college campuses.

You might have seen the phrase “If I’m Friends with Your Abuser DM me” circulating around social media this past summer. This phrase gained popularity when allies began posting it on social media in an attempt to show their support for victims and survivors. Unfortunately, it is common for people to not believe claims from survivors of sexual assault. More often than not, victims of sexual assault and rape are fearful of speaking out. This fear stems from the guilt and shame society has placed on these victims. The phrase “If I’m Friends with Your Abuser DM me” assures victims they are being heard, and allows allies to show their solidarity. It ensures victims that their stories will be taken seriously, and that their feelings are more than valid. It is important for these people’s voices to be heard in a society where self victimization is looked down on and not taken seriously. The first step in breaking the stigma surrounding sexual assualt and rape is listening and believing victims. 

Although the #MeToo movement has facilitated a lot more awareness and has pushed for legal action, the issue of sexual assault on college campuses seems to be getting worse. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), 26.4% of females and 6.8% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force or violence on college campuses. Sexual assault and rape cases are often tied to Greek life events and members, which are often left unpunished and free of trouble. In early September, protests began occurring outside the University of Iowa’s Phi Gamma Delta fraternity due to claims of sexual assault. The campus police were accused of failing to properly and thoroughly investigate the incident, which is a commonality among sexual assault cases. This led to protesting on the front lawn of UI President Barbara Wilson. Protestors urged the president to begin taking action towards removing Phi Gamma Delta from Iowa’s campus. These protests resulted in both the university and the Phi Gamma Delta chapter to release statements regarding their zero tolerance sexual assault policies. This case is extremely similar to hundreds of other sexual assault cases on college campuses. It is common for universities to push these situations under the rug, attempting to keep them “hush hush.” At many universities, rapists walk freely throughout campus, working as tour guides, and holding positions in their Greek life organization. Although a lot of cases go unreported, it’s the responsibility of the university to make their students feel safe enough to report sexual assault, without fear of not being taken seriously. 

The societal stigma around sexual assault often insights fear in victims, preventing them from speaking up. Even after victims gather the strength to report abuse, many universities don’t take the matter seriously. Universities are meant to be safe spaces, but it’s hard for students to feel safe when their abusers walk free, leading to other issues such as sexual trauma or PTSD. Discussion and conversation is essential to combat the narrative, making it crucial to listen  to victims and survivors. Being an ally is an extremely important role, and you can always strive to be a better one. The key to being a better ally to victims and survivors is to establish a sense of safety and allow for listening and conversation, ensuring they do not feel alone. “If I’m Friends with Your Abuser DM me” is just one small step in breaking the stigma around sexual assault. As allies, we can choose to combat the societal stigma by breaking the “taboo-ness” of the issue of sexual assault. Through listening to victims, having open conversations, and holding universities accountable, we can do our part as allies to never let another person be disbelieved, belittled, or bullied because of their sexual assault.