Surviving Heartbreak 101
A carton of ice cream and a sad movie. You’re still in bed even though it’s well into the afternoon. You’re heartbroken, and we get it. Heartbreak is a natural (and annoying) part of life. Chances are, you’ll experience it at least once before you finally find ~the one~. So, let’s break-down the break-up and talk about the best and healthiest ways to survive the unsurvivable.
Understand the psychology around the way you’re feeling
When you’re in a relationship or any situation where feelings are involved, you’re being exposed to a reliable stream of validation and happiness. Your brain has consistent access to a source of dopamine (the happy hormone). When this is suddenly gone one day, your cortisol levels (the stress hormone) unexpectedly spike. You’re literally going through a drug withdrawal, in a sense. Understand that the pain you’re feeling is real. Not only is it emotional, but it’s psychological. It’s completely normal to feel these intense feelings of sadness, anger, etc.
Don’t go straight for the rebound
If you read our mini science segment above, you’ll understand why the rebound fling is one of the worst things you can do if you want to heal. You’re craving the dopamine and validation that you’re no longer receiving, and you know you can get it quickly somewhere else. But, all you’re doing is avoiding the pain and putting off dealing with the actual emotions you’re feeling. The heartbroken feeling may subside temporarily, but it will eventually bubble up and come out worse than it initially would have been.
No contact
“Well, maybe we can stay friends.” NO. “I don’t want them out of my life.” NO. “Staying friends” can sound nice, but prevents you from being able to actually get over them. Seeing their name pop up on your phone and continuing to hang out keeps them on your mind. Your feelings for this person won’t suddenly go away simply because you slapped the word ‘friends’ onto the situation. No contact is the only way to go if you want to move on completely. This means no texting/snapping, no cyber-stalking, and no posting stories specifically for them to see (we know you’ve done it). No contact hurts and it’s so hard, but in our experience, it’s the only way to move on for good.
Write a letter
Feel your feelings. You might have a lot that you wish you could say to this person— and not all of it will be nice. Take the time to write out everything. Everything you want to say, everything you feel, and everything you’d never want to say out loud. Fold it up and burn it or put it somewhere you know nobody will ever find it. This might sound dumb, but getting your feelings out onto paper will take a weight off your shoulders like no other. Sometimes, all you need is to just get it all out.
Look for the lesson
There’s a saying that goes “everyone who enters your life is either a blessin’ or a lesson.” If this person wasn’t meant to be, what can you learn from the situation? Maybe this person showed you what you don’t want in a partner. Perhaps you’ve learned how to communicate. You could’ve learned how to be a good partner. Find the lesson in the situation. Remember that everything happens for a reason. What can you take away?
Heartbreak sucks. If you need to cry for a week and binge-watch The Office for hours on end, then do it. But, remember that your life will go on with or without this person. It’s your life, not theirs. Don’t let them ruin your happiness for too long!
Cover Image from Metro