A Guide to Breakups: The 6 Steps
Heartbreak. Earth-shattering, tear-wrenching, life-changing heartbreak. Breakups happen and when they do everyone finds themself following these 6 stages of breakup postpartum: denial, bargaining, distraction, anger, sadness, acceptance. These 6 stages take everyone a different amount of time to circulate through but everyone ends up making it out of the breakup cocoon and becoming a beautiful single butterfly.
1. Denial
Pretending like the events that happened last night were just a dream, talking about them like you’re still together, wearing their sweatshirt around the house just to keep the memory of them fresh. There is nothing harder than waking up the morning after a breakup with that pain in your heart and eyes still puffy and red. It is easier to deny the fact that you are no longer with someone who used to be such a big part of your life. However, sooner or later denial won’t be able to fill the void and that is when the next stage comes into play.
2. Bargaining
From blowing up their phone with “i miss you” and “we can work this out” text, to the sloppy sobbing voice mails you wish you could delete. Bargaining with your partner and yourself is the next stage we all must go through. Some people go through this stage by trying to convince themselves that if they do _______ then they will get back together. Others spend their time putting all their effort into those multiscroll text paragraphs divulging everything they would do to get back together. But sooner or later after too many attempts at rekindling the love it is time to move on to the next stage.
3. Distraction
Getting that revenge body, throwing yourself into school work, getting a job or involved in clubs/ organizations, picking up a new hobby, partying and going out every night, distraction can take many forms but no matter what the vice is, it’s meant to fill up your schedule and make getting through the next 24 hours a little easier. The distraction stage is important because it helps start to build confidence and fulfillment. Throughout the distraction stage new habits are formed and a drive to do more in your own life and for yourself is instilled. However, no matter how long you try to distract yourself from the past, sooner or later those emotions are finally going to have to come out.
4. Anger
Hey Alexa, play “We Are Never Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift. Now is time to really tune into your inner Carri Underwood and key his car, burn some old pictures, purge your closet of anything that once reminded you of them, take their favorite songs off your playlist and scream at the top of your lungs. The anger stage can feel freeing, because what's better than the feeling of wanting to get revenge on someone who hurt you. Anger masks the pain, anger makes you feel like a bad bitch, but anger also makes you make those poor decisions you wish you didn't make them jealous, and then you remember that you still haven’t cried and that is when the second to last stage takes shape.
5. Sadness
It’s time to break open that chocolate fudge brownie from Ben and Jerry’s and turn on 10 Things I Hate About You, let the tears come as they may and really tune into your emotions at this stage. It is important to be sad, to remember the relationship and understand that it is normal to miss someone and want them back no matter what the reason for ending things was. Sadness and grieving brings peace and comfort. Call your mom and cry, get snot and tears all over your roommate's hoodie (they will totally understand). Through the good, the bad and the ugly, sadness helps us see who is there by your side when you’re going through hard times. Sadness is vulnerable and painful but it lets your heart and mind come to terms with your emotions.
6. Acceptance
Put the memories in a box, lock it, and tuck it away somewhere safe. It is time to take back your life and move forward. Acceptance is the hardest part. Accepting that it's over, accepting that you can and will do so much better, accepting that a person doesn't define you, accepting that people change and relationships end. But in the end, once you accept these things, and accept yourself for who you are now THAT is when things get better.
Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, every heartbreak is just one step closer to finding the person you’re meant to be with. Breakups are a symbol of growth, they happen when two people outgrow each other and that is a natural part of life that we can't change no matter how much you might want to. The 6 stages of a breakup bring one full circle from the bottom to the top, these stages teach us things about yourself and who we are, what we want, and who we will become.