Friends: Past, Present and Future

Friendships feel like a never-ending lesson. In a time where we are still learning so much about ourselves, growing alongside someone adds another layer of complexity. More often than not, the people that you used to tell everything to aren’t the people you tell everything to now. We hate to break it to you, but the majority of people have outgrown their freshman year friends. That’s not to say you can’t still be friends with those people– it’s just to say that those friendships served a distinct purpose for a moment in time. 

That doesn’t have to be a bad or intimidating thing. As you evolve and discover more about yourself, your priorities change. Different people are allowed to be different, people! Holding onto souring friendships only extends the period of time that you are silently suffering. You can’t shrink to fit somewhere you’ve outgrown. So why settle for less than you deserve?

Instead of looking at every situation under the lens of how you would have handled it, recognize that the only person’s actions that you can control are your own. Deep down, you know yourself and your needs. Advocate for them. And if those needs aren’t met, it's up to you to move on.

Once you can make peace with the loss of friendships from your past, you can start moving towards a future where you have full autonomy over the people in your life. A time when hanging out with someone doesn’t feel like an obligation, but an active choice. Time is a valuable thing, and the people you choose to spend that time with should provide just as much value. 

There’s always the assertion that you should strive for quality over quantity, but a friend doesn’t have to be your one and only to make an impact on your life. You can diversify yourself and collect all different kinds of friends. There is no cap on the people you can be kind to, or the relationships you can make while you’re here. In fact, the concept of a “best friend” often puts a lot of pressure on one person. You can’t expect someone to be the go-to, perfect person in every aspect of life. It’s important to recognize that the relationships in your life can serve different situations. The road-trippers. The class friends. The partiers. The cryers. The gossips. They don’t all have the same job, but they contribute in different, meaningful ways. 

Reevaluating your friendships doesn’t always mean immediately taking an ax to those that are unfulfilling. Because that can be a daunting, isolating thing. It means recognizing those roles exist, and knowing where you stand. You don’t have to start from scratch when a friendship waxes and wanes. As well-established as the groups around you may feel, this isn’t middle school; you don’t have to stay in one clique because you feel like you should. Look for the “friend crushes” of the world and go after them. Cultivate those that consistently make you feel heard, respected and empowered. Take what you need, leave behind what you don’t. And soon enough, the people that aren’t meant to be in your life will weed themselves out. 

At the end of the day, the people you’re meant to grow old with aren’t going anywhere. So instead of putting that pressure on people, trust that you’ll naturally find them. And have some fun along the way.