The Malleability of the Self

In your formative years of college, there is so much pressure to find yourself, to come out the other side of graduation as a perfectly matured intellectual ready to take on the world. 

And yet, in a time where the environment is constantly changing around you, we’re forced to adapt. It can be hard to know what to hold onto, and what’s just a defense mechanism. 

During quarantine, a lot of us were forced to become a shell of our former selves. That much isolated time for introspection can’t be good for anyone. It shook us to our core and spit us out on the other side, expecting us to carry on like normal. But did we miss out on the people we would have become without COVID? Or, was that just part of the universe’s plan?

It’s daunting to look in the mirror and confront what’s staring back at you, because there is a difference between what we should be… and what we could be… and what we are. And a lot of the time, those lines get blurred. But how can we expect ourselves to be perfect when we don’t expect it of others? To be perfect is to be inhuman, and why would we ever strive for that? In fact, part of finding yourself is hurting and making mistakes. It’s all part of growth. 

What the stigma of finding yourself gets wrong is the fact that we never truly stop growing. How can we be expected to stay the same when we are constantly evolving based on new experiences? What you like now might not be what you like next week. Your opinions may change, but only if they’re your opinions, and not a projection of someone else’s. Now especially is a time to experiment with different parts of your identity, your interests, your comfort zone. You have to form your moral compass and core beliefs eventually. And that comes from trying and learning. 

But that shouldn’t have to end. The moment you stop experimenting is the moment you put yourself in a box. There are core parts of your personality that will always stay the same. But there is always time to try something new, or even start over entirely.

So, “be yourself” they say! Whatever the fuck that means? How are we supposed to be the same person around our friends, parents, coworkers, peers? There are so many versions of ourselves that different people bring out of us. It’s good to be dimensional, because you are molded by your environment. This idea of having one identity that defines every interaction in your life is a myth. You are made up of the interactions you have with others. So instead of looking at an idealized version of the people around you, recognize that they are just as lost as you are. You never know what is going on in someone’s head. In fact, we barely know what’s happening in ours sometimes. 

Instead of striving to find yourself, strive to be authentic in the moment. Lean into the ambiguity and the unknown while you can. Be yourself. Or don’t?