We’re All Pick-Me’s
If you have Tik Tok, Twitter, or Instagram, you’re probably all too familiar with the term “pick-me girl” - someone who alters their behavior and opinions to fit in better with men, wanting to be “picked” by them.
This can look like putting down other girls and things that are stereotypically “feminine,” such as boy bands like One Direction or beloved series like “Twilight,” and emphasizing that they “aren’t like other girls” because they enjoy stereotypically masculine things such as sports, video games and action movies.
When someone is obviously trying to be a pick-me, and especially when they’re being rude or even outright mean to do it, we at The Edge admit this can be annoying. But to belittle and make fun of girls who are being pick-me’s does not make us better than them and ignores the larger issue behind their behavior.
Let’s be real, all of this is rooted in deep insecurity and the desire to be wanted and accepted. And can’t we all relate to that? Haven’t we all been pick-me’s at one point or another? It is impossible as a person in our society to operate without ever placating to men -- sometimes, it can even be a matter or physical danger, like nodding along when your Uber driver starts spouting Q-Anon bullshit. You’re not going to disagree because you’re in a vulnerable position. In less dire circumstances, being a pick-me can be as simple as pretending to love the same things as your crush.
Ritika Sharma, in her article “Pick-Me Girls Are Not the Final Boss. The Patriarchy Is,” details her own experiences as both a pick-me and pick-me hater. She says, “I’d like to empathise with them, instead of ridiculing them to the point where I’m not a feminist, but I’m just another victim of patriarchy who shames other victims of patriarchy for not knowing better.”
We hear and see phrases like “women supporting women” all over the Internet, but for some reason, it seems like there are women left out of the whole “support” thing. Pick-me’s are almost seen as traitors to their gender, siding with the men instead of the women, which is one of the reasons why we hate them so much. The other reason is because we see ourselves in them and don’t like it.
We fail to recognize that anyone can be a pick-me. And, that anyone can be rehabilitated from being a pick-me. Other women are not the enemy: the patriarchy is. We all still live with male standards and expectations thrust upon us, and we can’t expect everyone to be able to break free on their own. So instead of being mean to the girl talking about how much she loves football and hates makeup, just be nice. And if you can’t do that, be polite. Because some day, that girl is going to look back on her behavior and cringe, wishing she never tried to be someone else.