National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: A Story From an Elon Student

I never thought I had an issue. I never thought I had a problem until my friends sat me down and told me that throwing up after I ate meals wasn’t normal. 

It sounds naive, but for some reason I thought every teenager did this, or maybe thought about it. I thought it was an easy way to feel better and erase what I had just done. I didn’t realize that what I was doing wasn’t healthy for me or my body until my iron levels gave out and I was diagnosed as anemic. My doctors and parents were confused until they realized I had not been receiving the proper amount of nutrients — because I was throwing it all up. 

Disordered eating was something I struggled with since I was about 18. Being almost 20 now, the ideas still haunt me and I am not 100% recovered yet. Yet I feel at ease now as I have admitted, learned, and grown from my disease and understood what harm I was doing to my body. 

When I came into college, I was dealing with mild anorexia nervosa that absolutely nobody knew about. I was completely alone in my own world and had free range of how to live my life; parents weren’t there to watch me and ask why I was skipping my dinner, and people wouldn’t comment on the fact that I had lost weight because they didn’t know what I looked like previously. 

My condition stemmed away from anorexia and moved into binge eating disorder and bulimia without me even being aware of it. 

The phrases “oh she’s ano” (referring to anorexia) or “just pull trig” invaded my personal space at all times. I had friends and classmates referring to eating disorders in such a casual sense, and almost every person I knew struggled with body image or eating. It wasn’t necessarily their fault that they made these comments as they didn’t know what I was struggling with, but they were something that clouded my memory. I began to think that “not eating before going out” or “starving yourself to look skinny for photos” was normal and I abided by it. The worst to hear was “I wish I could make myself throw up” after eating a meal with them, and I just sat there. 

Nobody told me when I had to eat or if I had to eat, and nobody watched me when I headed to the bathroom. 

There is something about Elon University - and I think it’s all universities, honestly - where eating disorders become even more prevalent and it seems normal. I would infer that it has to do with the fact that so many beautiful girls attend this university, but I also believe that it is because not enough emphasis is put on the idea of self-love and eating disorder awareness. About eight million people suffer from eating disorders, and that number is only growing due to the intense social media and mental health correlation. 

I think it’s time that someone stood up and said something about the absurd amount of eating disorders that affect many at Elon. I wish I could be even more courageous and state my name, yet I have not even told some of my closest friends about my condition. I opened up a few months ago in a spur of disparity and was immediately comforted. Instead of thinking my eating habits were normal, my close friends sat down with me and offered me support as well as showed me the immense health consequences. They showed me I was hurting myself. And even though it might not always have felt like it, I was. 

It is hard to come forward and talk about these things, and as nervous as I was, it has helped me grow infinitely as a person and get my life on track. I have learned tactics on what to do when I feel a relapse, and have prevented me from feeling that way by eating healthy portions and foods. Recovery is not linear and I have had many downfalls and setbacks, yet I always push through because I know where I have come from. 

I advise you to do the same if you are struggling or if you know someone who is struggling. Do not normalize this concept. It is not fun to starve yourself or head to the bathroom every time you eat, and it is not glamorous to be counting the calories of each of your meals. Refrain from using language which can trigger others and please do not comment on the looks of other women. Don’t make jokes about eating disorders, because you don’t know what the person next to you is going through. And most importantly, be there for yourself and others, and make a positive change in someone’s life. Denormalize eating disorders at Elon, in every university, and the entire world. They are not pretty, they are not fun, and they do not resemble a person. 

Now when I hear “I’m not going to eat all day so I look skinny” or “I wish I could throw up,” I say something. We should all say something. It’s not normal.

Photo from Unsplash.