When I Grow Up — THE EDGE

This article is part of our Spring 2022 print issue. See the full, digital version of the issue here.

When we’re little, we are asked what we want to be when we grow up. At that age, any answer becomes the right one. And why not, right? At such a young age, we don’t have the capability to attempt those seemingly impossible dreams, so there’s no need to shut them down. We marvel at the young mind’s ability to dream up fantastical careers. There’s no reason to tell the little girl who dreams of being an astronaut that the only people who go to space are billionaires who own big companies. We expect those dreams to fade away long before they’re old enough to chase after them.

Once you've grown up a bit, out-of-the-ordinary dreams start to get reality checked. We find out that our hopes of being an artist will only pan out if we’re comfortable sharing a studio apartment with a roommate until the age of 30. Once our junior years of high school hit, we're forced to make our first life-altering decision—and an expensive one at that—about where we might go to college. The narrative that we can be anything we want in life feels significantly less true once we see the price tag on the 4-year package that's supposed to set us up for success. Each year that passes comes with an extra dose of reality, weighing us down until we feel forced into practicality.

And then there are the ones who break the cycle of conformity and go on to achieve all they were told they couldn’t. But they don’t have it as good as expected. Cue “ Lucky” by Britney Spears.

Those who go on to achieve the lives we envy on social media may fall victim to imposter syndrome, a phenomenon that was first detailed by Pauline Rose Clance, Ph.D. and Suzanne Imes, Ph.D. in the 1970s to describe high achieving individuals with the inability to process and accept their successes. People who deal with imposter syndrome have a mental block that leads them to believe that they are not as successful as others perceive them to be.

Even though we see people living these fantastic lives, it may not feel that way to them. They can be strangers to their own success, believing that they don’t deserve what they already have or that they aren’t qualified enough to hold certain positions. Imposter syndrome is typically associated with academics and professional success, but can also impact social life and general perfectionism. Anxiety and depression often come with the syndrome and can become debilitating if not addressed.

Though imposter syndrome is felt internally, it can stem from outside factors. Societal pressures can weigh heavily on the need to be high-achieving. So much value is placed on professional success and advancement, which can make sense when we reflect on the fact that most working Americans revolve their lives around the typical 40-hour workweek. Work is central to most people’s lives, so it makes sense that so many people base their worth on their work.

When it feels like your value resides in the professional success that you don’t think you deserve, it can be incredibly difficult to manage your life. Imposter syndrome manifests differently in everyone. Some try to push through difficult tasks without asking for help as an attempt to prove their worth, even though there isn’t anything wrong with leaning on others. Some procrastinate so they don’t have to face the impending doom that comes with working towards something you don’t feel you deserve.

Insecurity runs rampant in these “imposters.” Even when you complete something, you’re left waiting for approval or a signal that your work lives up to the expected standards. And the cycle can continue, as many will use their success as a justification for the massive amount of anxiety they may have felt as they completed the project, even if that anxiety was unnecessary.

So how do we begin to fight this syndrome? The good news is that if you’re feeling like an imposter, you probably aren’t one. The fact that you’re even doubting yourself points to the fact that you’re aware of your high levels of success and have deep care to continue on that path.

There are a few ways to combat those phony feelings. Talking to both mentors and mentees can be incredibly beneficial toward recognizing your own success. On one end, talking to a mentor can give you the confirmation you need that you are where you are because you deserve to be. On the other, talking to someone who looks up to you, and to whom you may be able to impart wisdom, can help you put your achievements in perspective.

Take risks when it comes to how you typically handle the manifests of imposter syndrome. If you’re someone who typically waits until your work is perfectly polished before getting an opinion, let someone look over it at an earlier stage. If you feel nervous talking about your achievements in social settings, allow yourself to vocalize your successes without shame. Chances are, the feedback you’ll receive will be more positive than you may expect.

And, of course, there's always ol’ reliable: therapy. Imposter syndrome can be seriously debilitating, so talking with a professional about how you feel and the train of thoughts that lead you toward self-doubt can be incredibly helpful.

It's possible to celebrate your success, and it’s possible to achieve dreams that seem unrealistic. There’s something special about going after what you really want and making your life feel a little bit more exciting.

Remember that the person who judges you the most is always going to be yourself. It’s okay— good, even— to cut yourself some slack and stop taking yourself so seriously. Have some patience and empathy for yourself and your achievements. And remember, you’re actually pretty f*cking cool for chasing after your dreams. Not everybody does.