Five College-Aged Women Define Cheating
It’s no secret that many colleges and universities, including Elon University, have strong hookup cultures. “Hookup culture” is defined by being accepting of casual sex encounters (one-night stands or making out in the corner of a party for example) without necessarily including the romantic connotations of emotional intimacy or a committed relationship. Between 6o to 80 percent of college students have had a hookup experience.
Hooking up doesn’t necessarily mean one and done. Some hook-ups evolve into “situationships” or even committed relationships. In some ways, hookup culture has blurred the lines of commitment and expectations when it comes to relationships between college students. So what does commitment look like for our generation?
Infidelity, or cheating, can be defined in many ways—physical and emotional. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines cheating as being “sexually unfaithful” but definitions really depend on what you and your partner have agreed on. This can range from kissing to having sex with another person to watching porn. Some people consider things like keeping tabs on an ex or flirting with a coworker to be “micro-cheating”.
Many people can agree that having sex with another person while in a committed relationship is not okay. A study found that 93% of women think a one-night stand is cheating and 91% of men agreed. This is an almost unconscious boundary that is set in most monogamous relationships. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be discrepancies between what one person in the relationship might consider cheating and what their partner thinks.
Below, five college-aged women share their opinions on commitment in a world that seems to be dominated by being noncommittal:
Since entering college, have you been in any committed relationships?
R: I’ve had three relationships in college. A high school relationship that continued into college, someone I met in class and later started dating, and my current relationship, which started with a pretty typical hookup.
A: I had a boyfriend coming into college from high school, but that ended and I haven’t had a boyfriend since.
M: Define committed. Right now people in our generation define commitment in relationships very differently. But, yes, I’ve been in relationships where I’ve agreed to be exclusive with my partner.
G: I’ve never been in a relationship.
J: I was in a long-term relationship. We dated for about a year after hooking up for a few months.
What would you personally consider to be cheating?
R: Any action with flirtatious intention. You’re gonna be attracted to people, but there’s a line between talking to someone as a friend and yearning for someone’s attention.
A: Definitely physical stuff, like kissing. I think there’s a gray area in terms of flirting. What one person might think is flirting, the other person might think is just being friendly.
M: I’d say that cheating would be having sex with another person, kissing another person, or being in bed naked with another person. If I found out my partner had been sending or receiving nudes from someone else, I’d be upset.
G: Cheating is when you do something sexual with another person that you aren’t dating.
J: Anything physical is cheating. But if you’re building an emotional connection to someone else, that’s also cheating.
What thoughts do you have about hookup culture?
R: Hookup culture is not for me. I was in it for 9 months and I’m not happy about my body count. But I wonder, why does the number matter to me so much? Is it something that actually matters or is it just something that I’ve been told should matter?
A: It’s stronger with underclassmen. I think they are trying to meet a bunch of new people and think that’s an easy way to do it. I don’t participate in hookup culture. I don’t see myself sleeping with somebody who I don’t know.
M: When the clothes start coming off, that’s when it’s a hookup. It's important for young people to experiment with different partners and relationships because we are still trying to figure out how we define sex and romance in our lives.
G: I think, in college especially, hooking up is something that is expected and overvalued.
J: The definition of hookup changes based on who you ask. Could be kissing, could be sex. I hooked up a lot freshman year, but then I met the one that I later started dating and I haven’t hooked up with anyone since we broke up.
Do you think hookup culture affects commitment in college-aged relationships? If so, how?
R: I think people are nervous to talk about it. If you are in a hookup and you would get hurt by the other person being with someone else, then have that conversation! The term “cheating” should be reserved for committed relationships where you have both decided that you’re setting the expectation of monogamy. But even in non-exclusive relationships, there are things that just feel slimy.
A: It makes things messy and hurts communication between people.
M: Hooking up is kind of like maintaining a gray area. It results in people being scared to commit to others and being scared to be abandoned by others. It teaches our generation that as long as you maintain the gray area, you can’t be hurt. But I’ve seen so many people get hurt by avoiding those conversations.
G: Hookups have fewer expectations, so most people start with hooking up. A lot of times, that evolves into a relationship.
J: People say college is your time to have fun and sleep with a bunch of people, rather than tie yourself down with someone. I think it’s because this is the easiest time to do it because you’re surrounded by people your age.
All in all, it’s important to remember to do what is right for you. Communicating and setting harmonious boundaries are the most important when it comes to protecting yourself and your relationship in the long run.
Check out this original study on hookup culture by The Edge for more interesting stats. For relationship advice, check out this article on dating in your 20’s.
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