Saying No as a People-Pleaser
According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, a people-pleaser is “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.”
Does this sound like someone you may know? Ahem, maybe yourself? That’s okay. Most, if not all of us, have been there.
Saying no can be difficult. We at the Edge understand that. We know that you want to be able to do as much as possible for people. You probably believe that saying no could lead to a risky situation or conflict. That’s not always the case though.
If you are unsure of what people-pleasing looks like, here are some signs:
Saying yes even though you want to say no and regretting it later
Doing more things than you can handle because you weren’t able to say no out of fear of conflict
Not setting boundaries because of guilt or fear
Being afraid to speak up about something or the way you are feeling in order to avoid confrontation
Seeking people’s validation shouldn’t cause you to take on more than you can handle. Don’t even try to apologize for not being able to not do everything. Think of yourself and your well-being first.
These are some steps you can take in order to unlearn people-pleasing habits:
Start small; practice saying no to small tasks. It can be very hard to say no, but once you get into the habit of doing so, it will become easier to do over time.
Don’t apologize for not being able to do something.
Don’t elaborate. You don’t always have to explain yourself. Sometimes a simple no is enough. A “no” does not need to be followed by a “because”.
Acknowledge your needs and look at your schedule. Can you really afford to have another task on your plate?
Some phrases that you can use to practice saying no:
“That doesn’t work for me right now.”
“I don’t have time to do that, I’m busy.”
“I have plans, but thank you for thinking of me.”
“I don’t want to go to…”
“I’m very tired, but thank you for offering.”
You always have a choice. Don’t agree to something just because you are afraid of upsetting someone or because you want to prevent conflict. You shouldn't have to suppress your own needs and wants for those of others. Prioritize yourself.