This Women’s History Month, it’s Time to Close the Orgasm Gap
What is the Orgasm Gap?
For centuries, women have been struggling to overcome the "orgasm gap.” The term, popularized years ago in part by University of Florida’s Professor Laurie Mintz, refers to the fact that in heterosexual encounters, women have fewer orgasms than men. At the time, Mintz referred to a 2005 study that found that out of 800 college students, women orgasmed 39 percent of the time during sex compared to men at 91 percent of the time. Over ten years later, a 2016 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior looked at 52,500 heterosexual, lesbian, gay and bisexual adults in the United States, and found that heterosexual women were the least likely to achieve orgasm during sex. Of all female-identifying participants, lesbians were found to orgasm the most with a partner. This study supported the long-held claim that the orgasm gap is more social than biological.
“The orgasm gap has implications for women’s pleasure, empowerment, sexual satisfaction and general well-being,” said Grace Wetzel, a Rutgers social psychology doctoral student, who recently gave a Ted Talk about sexual pleasure disparity. “This is a gender equality issue. Women are learning to expect and be satisfied with less in their sexual interactions with men.”
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Breaking the Stigma
Since women have historically been taught to be passive during sexual encounters, one important aspect of closing the orgasm gap is promoting sex positivity and breaking the shame around female desire. Women who are able to communicate openly and honestly with their partners about their desires and preferences are more likely to experience sexual pleasure. Encouraging men to listen to and prioritize their partner's pleasure, rather than their own, can also help create a more equitable sexual experience for everyone involved.
However, it's not always that easy. There is still a stigma around female pleasure and conversations about sex. This stems directly from purity culture, which emphasizes that women should abstain from anything sexual before marriage. Even women looking to become more sex-positive often feel the effects of purity culture in the forms of slut shaming and internalized misogyny.
“Women aren’t taught to prioritize pleasure or their sexual desires," said author and sex educator Gigi Engle. “It is riddled with shame.”
Some studies found that over 10 percent of women have never had an orgasm. Dr. Laura Jarvis, a sexual health doctor in Scotland, said patients are not able to orgasm for a variety of reasons.
“Most of these women don’t have a physical problem — nerve damage or something to do with their anatomy,” she said. “Most of the time it’s about their own relationship with their sexual self.”
Some women have had negative sexual experiences in the past including religious taboos and sexual abuse. One in four women has been sexually assaulted in their life, and this kind of sexual trauma can make it difficult to feel safe and experience pleasure with a partner. And of course, the frequency of orgasms is not necessarily a measure of the health of a relationship. A singular focus on orgasms has been found to cause anxiety and stress in relationships. The real focus of sexual experiences should be mutual enjoyment and pleasure.
Intimacy expert Miyoko Rifkin believes that if you are aiming to have great sex, your focus should be on pleasure, not just climax. "How often do you touch your partner for the sake of pleasure, versus orgasm?" Rifkin asked.
Unfortunately, the answer to both the pleasure and orgasm questions seems to be not enough. A recent poll by the Today Show found that almost half of all women were not satisfied with their sexual experiences.
What Even is Sexy?
The idea of what is considered "sexy" can also contribute to the orgasm gap. Women are often depicted in media and popular culture as objects of male desire, rather than active participants in their own sexual experiences. This means that the male gaze often determines what is viewed as sexy. Dr. Mintz blames this “inequality in the bedroom” on sex depictions in the media, especially in pornography, and a “cultural over-privileging of male sexuality and a devaluing of female sexuality.”
“Mainstream movies and porn show women orgasming from intercourse alone and — in the absence of scientifically-accurate sex education that includes the clitoris and female pleasure — this leaves women and their partners assuming that she 'should' orgasm from penetration alone,” Mintz explains.
Dr. Jarvis said that her patients feel as if they are missing out if they are not able to achieve orgasm after a sexual encounter.
“Every Netflix drama, there’s people having orgasms in it. They feel as if they’re not normal, and that perpetuates the stress,” said Dr. Jarvis.
Sexual Education
Some studies found that young adults have turned to porn for information in the absence of proper sex-ed, which has led to misinformed ideas about pleasure.
“When we consume porn that doesn’t have context and doesn’t humanize the folks that are in it, we can risk normalizing this and we can see these behaviors come out in real life situations where people can be harmed,” Jet Setting Jasmine, a performer, and psychotherapist explained. “Unfortunately, many people learn about sex and sexual relationships through NSFW content. [We] therefore have a responsibility to increase people’s porn literacy and also increase access to content that is safe to learn from.”
Since the kinds of content shown in porn often cater to men, some experts have begun to endorse ethical porn. Ethical porn is content that is produced in an environment that is safe and consensual. It also fairly compensates creators for their work, and the content itself often focuses on inclusivity. It’s still hot, explains Vice writer Laura Holliday; it just also sometimes includes people of color, people with different body types, people with disabilities and women having actual fun. Experts hope these healthier depictions will dispel some myths about sex and female pleasure.
As more young people turn to the internet for information, it is clear: public school sex-ed failed. Nineteen states only provide abstinence-only sex-ed, and studies have found that both men and women struggle to properly identify female anatomy including the clitoris, vagina and vulva.
Students who do receive actual sexual education in school are often only taught the mechanics of reproduction rather than consent, pleasure, and desire — topics crucial for bridging the orgasm gap.
Power Dynamics
It is also important to recognize the experiences of trans and non-binary individuals in the conversation around the orgasm gap. These individuals may face unique challenges in exploring their own desires and communicating them to their partners, particularly in a culture that often places a narrow focus on binary gender roles. Promoting a more inclusive and diverse view of sexuality is essential to closing the orgasm gap for all individuals.
Looking Forward
Thus, the orgasm gap has a storied history that is deeply rooted in cultural, societal and individual factors. By challenging traditional ideas about sexuality and embracing a more diverse and inclusive view of desire, we can begin to bridge the orgasm gap for good. For more information, check out this podcast by the BBC and this TED talk by Dr. Karen Gurney.