The Last Single Lady
Prince William and Kate Middleton, Eli Manning and Abby McGrew, and President Barack and Michelle Obama, are all insanely cute and happy couples that met in college. Hearing of romances like this, it’s hard not to get excited over wanting to find your soulmate within these four short years. It's hard, talking yourself out of looking for that when it seems like it’s the cure to being happy, which doesn’t help when it feels like literally everyone has some sort of fling. I’m no expert at relationships, the longest I’ve ever dated someone was a grand total of six months, but through my limited experiences, and my close observation of Rom-Coms, I have concluded a few things about relationships. I’d also like to note that any pronouns I use throughout this article can be substituted toward your preferences.
One thing that I think that is important to remember is that now is the time to be selfish. Your late teens and early 20s are a time of change and self exploration, discovery and growth. I’ve found it to be easier, more times than not, to sacrifice your dreams and aspirations for your partner. With relationships come sacrifices you may have to make for the benefit of the connection or for the happiness of your partner. This is the exact opposite of what you want to do as you try and grow as an individual. It is important we don’t sacrifice our success for other people, no matter how important we may think they are. I get that some relationships are different, sometimes the sacrifices seem worth it. Though I think it is also important to note that there are two directions a relationship leads. One is marriage or a domestic partnership and the other is breaking up.
It’s so easy to get down on yourself for being single. For example, literally the other day in a conversation with an elderly women I was asked “Do you have a boyfriend.” A shy “no” was my response embarrassed as if having a boyfriend was what I need in order to impress her. I don’t think this woman necessarily meant to damper my mood, I think it’s society in general that pressures us into thinking that if someone is in a relationship, they must be doing something right. These pressures also stem back to the idea that college is such a common place for people to meet their lifelong partners, an idea that stresses me out.
So how do we go about navigating the single life while being happy? First off I think it is important not to be so hard on yourself when something doesn’t work out. Life is a metaphoric roller coaster that only has ups if there are downs. I am a firm believer that every person you meet, every connection you make no matter how long it lasts teaches you a lesson. Every relationship you’ve ever had/ will have will teach you something about yourself. Maybe you learn that you like kissing this way, that you enjoy talking about this topic, you may even discover a new taste in cuisine. Or perhaps you’ll learn that you can’t be with someone that addresses conflict in a standoffish way, subtle subtweet to my ex. Whatever the case may be, life is a learning experience and though this person may not be in your life forever, the memories shape you into a complex person adding another layer to your following relationships.
It’s also so important to keep your friends close. Like the wise Carrie Bradshaw once said “maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” With that said, your friends are always going to be the ones to have your back, to listen to all your shit and show you unconditional love. Spending time with them will not only give you an amazing support group but will allow you to have people to do stuff with. Go on friendship dates, hike a mountain, go to a ceramics shop, the possibilities are endless and you don’t need a man to do them.
It is also important to not search for a guy and instead make a means to pursue your goals for the future, spending your time working toward them. Think about Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She is smart and loves to read. She does what she wants, when she wants. She doesn’t spend her time pining over guys yet both Gaston and the Beast fall for her. Think about yourself like her. You’re a strong individual with dreams and passions. Work for those to become a reality and the right guy will fall into place when the time is right.
Don’t pressure yourself so much on finding a partner because it seems normal, like it’s what you should be doing or what you need in order to fit in. I’m not going to lie, I am so unbelievably excited to be in a relationship but I know that the time will present itself when it is the right. So in the meantime, it’s important we focus on ourselves, our dreams, and our friends to become the best last single lady we can be.