The Line Between Being Fit and Being Sick

This article is part of our Fall 2020 print issue. See the full, digital version of the issue here.

We are sharing personal stories and information about disordered eating so our campus can be informed and address the issue properly. This is not intended to glorify or advertise any methods of weight loss or self-harm. If you or someone you know struggles with these issues, please contact the National Eating Disorder Association helpline at (800) 931-2237.

The dialogue surrounding mental health often excludes the conversation of eating disorders, a topic that seems to be discussed more nonchalantly than professionally. This can be problematic considering nine percent of the U.S. population—about 29 million Americans—will be diagnosed with an eating disorder, reports the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. Ninety percent of that population consists of females between the ages of 12 and 25. It is imperative, especially on college campuses, to engage in conversation and educate ourselves about disordered eating and behaviors.

Anonymous models photographed by Lexie Brooks.

Casually discussing unhealthy eating habits is routine for many college students. “Oh my gosh, I forgot to eat today,” “I can’t eat that if I’m drinking tonight,” and “I ate so horribly last night, I need to workout before I do anything else today,” might sound familiar. These expressions may seem harmless because of how normalized this behavior has become, which can be unhealthy and problematic. So, why are college women so focused on their bodies and eating habits?

We spoke with Greensboro dietician Dr. Laura Watson about the obstacles of eating disorders and disordered behavior on college campuses. Though Dr. Watson sees patients from colleges around the Greensboro area, she says she has more patients from Elon than from other local colleges. She explains that the reason for these visits is a cumulation of pressure: academic pressure, social pressure, and pressure from work, in addition to a newfound freedom and learning to care for oneself and one’s body. “It’s the perfect storm,” says Watson.

Bodies tend to naturally shift during the college-aged years as they grow into their adult form. “We joke about the freshman 15,” says Watson, “but there’s a lack of understanding that between 18-22, people naturally gain weight and their bodies change.”

Dr. Watson cites our diet-obsessed culture as a prominent reason for rejecting these changes in our bodies. Our generation also seems to be overly comfortable talking about weight but not about eating disorders. Dr. Watson says Elon struggles with providing key mental health resources that would greatly benefit students suffering from eating disorders. She mentions that many students are unaware of the dietician within walking distance of campus, Leslie Williams, who could be a good resource. Dr. Watson says even just starting conversations on campus could have a huge impact.

Jillian Jacobson ’19 was a patient of Dr. Watson’s just a few years ago. She spoke with us about her personal struggle with disordered eating and a diagnosed eating disorder.

Although Jacobson says prior to attending Elon she did not have a diagnosed eating disorder, she can certainly speak to the disordered habits she experienced during this time. Jacobson says after arriving on Elon’s campus, she was worried about gaining the infamous “freshman 15.” She was an avid gym-goer (to a dangerous extent), often over-exercising before and after weekends of drinking.

“I honestly think my friends were impressed with me,” says Jacobson. “They wanted to be working out as much as I was and thought I was being ‘healthy,’ but I wasn’t.”

During her sophomore year, these normalized—rather glorified—habits carried on. Jacobson continued to push her body too far and overanalyze what she was eating. But in the public eye, she was a disciplined and regimented college student. Junior year was also a challenge, as she studied abroad and also faced personal relationship issues. Jacobson explains that a misconception about eating disorders is that it starts with being unhappy with one’s appearance, followed by attempting to lose weight and allowing it to spiral. For her, it began as a way to cope with trauma and hardship.

“At first, I was complimented for my weight loss, which was definitely problematic,” says Jacobson. “This makes a person want to keep losing weight.” A few months later, Jacobson went to residential treatment for the last portion of her junior year and into that following summer. Upon returning to Elon for her senior year that fall, she had gained more perspective and worked on separating herself and her body from people’s comments. She began therapy and started speaking out, becoming more transparent about her experience.

Jacobson credits not wanting to lie or hide what happened to her as the reason for being so outspoken about her story and recovery journey. She wanted to help others notice their disordered behaviors. “I wished I had that for myself, someone to educate me and help me catch it early,” she says.

Now two years out of college and continuing her recovery, Jacobson uses social media to advocate for body positivity and sustainable eating habits, aka eating whatever the heck you want. Her work to destigmatize this mental health crisis involves inspiring others and furthering the conversation. Jacobson’s story is not one in a million, as Dr. Watson says many women on college campuses fight similar battles.

We conducted a survey that circulated through at least seven of Elon’s female Greek organizations and garnered 237 responses about disordered eating/exercise behaviors. Of the 12 questions, two were left open-ended, and the responses to these were the most thought-provoking.

One student reports that her eating disorder consumes her life, and her doctor recommended she not attend school because she would be so susceptible to the virus. Another student writes about her best friend, who suffered from an eating disorder last year but has since received necessary help. This respondent reflects on how disordered eating goes beyond concerns with body image.

“As a girl in college, it’s super hard to not get caught up in some level of disordered eating,” writes the anonymous respondent, “especially when I am busy and am like, ‘Oh, I forgot to eat.’ I think these eating disorders and disordered eating is for so many girls a means of controlling their lives rather than simply a result of body dysmorphia. And obviously it’s different for everyone, but I think that people always just assume it’s the result of an insecurity, which isn’t always the truth.”

The responses from this survey reveal that a significant number of women at Elon engage in disordered eating behaviors. While these are different from diagnosed eating disorders, these habits are still unhealthy and deserve awareness despite being normalized by our diet-driven culture. Dr. Watson says there tends to be a lot of shame surrounding eating disorders, so it’s time to open a dialogue and bring awareness to this issue that continues to negatively affect young women.

Survey Responses

80.2% Label food as “good” or “bad”

78.1% Feel guilty after eating

58.6% Feel like food and exercise consume their thoughts

73.8% Forget to eat throughout the day when they’re busy

47.9% Count calories

18.6% Have been treated for an eating disorder