I Tried Every Vegan Cheese I Could Find, and Some Weren’t Half Bad
I remember the first time I tried dairy-free cheese. I also remember the first time I wanted to throw it back up. That was probably about 5 years ago and there were maybe 15 seconds between this sequence of events. Since that fateful day, I’ve aged and matured into a young woman with a refined palette for the best of fake cheese. With all of this maturing and aging, I’ve also come to one very important conclusion about the rest of humankind: Everyone is either a cheese enthusiast or a lactose-intolerant cheese enthusiast. If you align with the latter, I am here to help you avoid being bloated-beyond-belief this bikini season and guide your exploration into new, uncharted-grocery-store-territory.
Back around the time of my initial encounter with this knock-off food group, there were probably three vegan cheese options in the grocery store. One that had the texture akin to a long, sandy walk on the beach, one that refused to melt even if you took a flamethrower to it, and one that smelled (and tasted) like a pair of used gym shoes you accidentally dug out of your grandma’s basement. Although 2020 may have not brought us much else, we have been blessed with innovative imitations of everything from Parmesan to Pepperjack, making the vegan cheese market overwhelming for even the most well-versed enthusiasts.
Credit IG: @grapejuiceboys
I like to think of cheese as its own food group, really. This is probably the reason I have had a hard time sticking out the whole vegan thing 100% of the time. However, in all my various vegan escapades, I have sampled enough dairy-free delights to confidently say not all of it tastes like absolute shit. If you are new to that obscure “health” food corner of the grocery store, or you just don’t want to break the bank trying out every option, I am here to help you out. I took it upon myself to experiment with exactly which brand, type, and methods of consumption work best for all your daily cheese needs.
But first, a disclaimer: We have come far enough in vegan retail to leave tofu out of this one.
Let me be clear, I LOVE properly prepared Tofu just as much as the next tree-hugger. However, I stand firm when it comes to vegan cheese. Tofu in any form—as the base for something that is supposed to be stretchy, salty, and melty—just doesn’t work. I’ve sampled enough grocery store options and attempted too many tofu-based cheese recipes to ever change my mind about this. No matter how expertly pureed and heavily salted, it just doesn’t even come within a stone’s throw of the ideal dairy substitute.
1. Trader Joe’s Vegan Cream Cheese; this will make your bagel (and your morning) just a little bit better.
My favorite hangover cure has always been and always will be an everything bagel with cream cheese. However, due to my ~sensitive~ stomach, half a container of real cream cheese on a bagel after a night of drinking never quite settled the way I intended. Well, thanks to Trader Joe’s, my day-after-drinking food-binge won’t include a losing battle against lactose intolerance. In my own experimentation, I have found the only brand that could possibly rival this TJ’s classic is Follow Your Heart’s plant-based cream cheese.
2. Homemade dairy-free soft cheese
This was a recipe I stumbled upon during my very-first vegan attempt, and I still make it regularly. All you really need are cashews, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and a blender and you can really make any imitation soft cheese you like. I’ve adapted this recipe with dried Italian herbs to make ricotta, kept it as is for breakfast treats, and even mixed in some of TJ’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning and dipped in whatever I can find!
Before we go much further: let’s do away with Daiya altogether
So we have written off tofu disguised as cheese, but another caution for new lactose-free users: Daiya. As a “cheese” company, they seemed to have entirely overlooked the fact that texture and taste need to go hand-in-hand. I did a little research into their ingredients label, and I am no scientist / nutritionist / understander-of-chemicals-on-ingredient-labels-ist, BUT a few mentions of “vegetable glycerin” and my brain started connecting the dots. Soap. Yes, that’s right, the same stuff that makes soap and deodorant is the same thing these people are faking cheese out of. Enough said.
3. Go Veggie’s American Slices
American cheese is either loved or hated, but hated by most. In the world of vegan cheese, however, there isn’t so much focus on perfectly recreating traditional flavors. Instead, a recipe for success consists of a mild taste and unalarming texture. These slices accomplish just that. Need something to melt between bread and call a grilled cheese? Some cheese to melt and mix up with pasta (you may dare to call it Mac & Cheese)? Or are you just trying to make some other sort of cheese-reliant meal? Well, either way, these single-wrapped slices will likely fulfill any need that may arise.
4. Mozzarella Shreds; it's a tie between Follow Your Heart and Trader Joe’s
I have accepted the fact I will never be able to perfectly imitate a traditional pizza, but I also am committed to never stop trying. Disclaimer: My noni would be appalled if I ever tried to feed her this and call it mozzarella. However, as the granddaughter of Italian immigrants, my tastebuds seem to have forgotten the homeland enough to say it's pretty good. In all years of sampling efforts, I’ve always found that Follow Your Heart Mozzarella Shreds melt the best when attempting pizza making at home. However, Trader Joe’s recently released a new vegan Mozz that definitely rivals if not beats out my tried and trusted pizza topper.
5. Homemade Fresh Mozzarella
These cashew-based mozzarella balls not only taste WAY better than any store-bought mozz, but they are also fun to make. With the same basic ingredients as the homemade soft cheese above with the addition of tapioca starch, there’s really no excuse to go fully embrace the vegan life. They take about 15 minutes to make and can be stored for up to 3 days in the fridge.
6. If you want to attempt homemade vegan Mac & Cheese, you may need all of the above... Or just grab a box of Annie’s Vegan Mac.
And finally, the utopia of all retail vegan cheese creations: Annie’s homegrown vegan mac. Now, this comes as any real box of Annie’s does, with the dried pasta and packet of powdered cheese, so I guess it really doesn’t have a home among the rest of the contestants that I’ve scrutinized. However, you don’t feel the need to pick up every plant-based cheese to make one simple dish, in this case, I have given this boxed-based version my blessing.