What’s Killing Your Sex Drive In Your 20s
Don’t get us wrong–sex in your 20s can be amazing. But it can also be confusing, emotional, and sometimes disappointing. Whether you're blissfully single, seeing someone or are in a committed relationship there is no question that this time is filled with change and growth. In our sex-obsessed culture, the idea of having a low sex-drive feels unattractive and wrong–but its a common issue that women of all ages suffer from.
We believe that having sex and actually enjoying sex are two very different things. So, to save your time we’ve put together a list of factors which could potentially be preventing your experience of sexual pleasure.
Designs by Leah Hottenstein
Check your Hormones
More than half of the causes of a low libido, which accounts for a persons sex drive, are horomonal. Oftentimes your doctor can run simple blood tests to determine your hormonal levels and what could potentially be preventing your experience of pleasure, but if you want to do so yourself, services like WellnessFX can run blood tests for you.
Cortisol
The first hormone to take note of is your level of cortisol. Cortisol basically manages stress levels in your body. So, if you struggle from high cortisol levels you may feel tired but wired at the same time. Or on the other hand, if you have low levels of cortisol you’ll often feel exhausted and drained. Either way high or low cortisol levels results in a lower sex drive. To best manage your stress levels give yourself a healthy routine to follow. Eating right, exercising and sleeping enough all have a huge impact on your cortisol levels. Regular massages, warm baths, yoga, and prioritizing sleep are all great ways to limit cortisol levels from rising.
Testosterone
The second hormone that is essential to the function of the libido is testosterone. Low levels of testosterone, the primary hormone of vitality and sexual desire, are also
detrimental to women's sexual pleasure. Often, birth control like the pill, the patch, and the ring decrease the production of testosterone hormones, which significantly decreases sexual desire for women. However, birthcontrol methods like the progesterone-containing IUD have a lesser negative impact on a persons sex drive since the amount of hormones abosrbed into the body is far less than that of oral contraception. Unfortunately there is yet to be a contraceptive method that doesn’t alter hormone levels, aside from condoms.
Estrogen
Low levels of estrogen, which play a crucial role in reproductive and sexual development, can result in less sexual enjoyment as well. Typically low estrogen levels result in thinner and drier vaginal tissue accompanied with often uncomfortable or even painful sex. While alternatively, having higher levels of estrogen promotes vaginal lubrication and heightened sexual desire. Typically estrogen levels can be leveled by sleeping well, increasing your probiotic intake and avoiding high levels of stress.
Thyroid
Then we have the thyroid, the neck gland that regulates metabolism. If the gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone then you can experience weight gain, fatigue, and constipation. Essentially this results in feeling like you’re exhausted and have no energy for sex. To ensure healthy thyroid levels it’s suggested to eat a balanced diet of healthy fats and fruits.
Care For Your Diet
Hormones aside, your diet also has a big impact on your libido. The food we eat gives us the energy to be who we are and in chinese medicine, qi (pronounced “chee”), refers to the life force, or energy that moves throughout the human body. It’s said that stress and a poor diet stops the flow of your qi, which– you guessed it– has major negative effects on your sex life. To balance the flow of your qi, a regular diet of plant-based and organic foods will increase circulation and libido. To further these efforts, qi flows best when refined carbs like pastas and breads are cut from your diet and replaced with leafy greens, protein and lesser amounts of whole grains. In this effort you are essentially choosing to eat well, and to boost your vital energies which in turn boosts sexual energies as well.
Understand Your Sexual Self-Esteem
Sex doesn’t just happen to you. It’s an emotional, psychological and physical process functioning around your sexual self-esteem. Your sexual self-esteem affects pretty much every sexual choice you make. From who you have sex with and when, to whether you limit yourself sexually and how, to if you decide to use protection or not–it’s all encompassing. By better understanding your sexual self-esteem you can better understand how to not only enjoy sex more, but feel confident doing so. Here are two key aspects of your sexual self-esteem you should know about.
Your relationship with yourself affects how you express yourself sexually.
Your body naturally houses sexuality and sexual expression which means your perception of your body can be revealing in intimate moments. Insecurities lead to anxiety which leads to disconnections. Moments of disconnect then can be interpreted as a lack of attraction by your sexual partner and decrease your sexual pleasure. To help, think about who gets to decide how you feel about your body? Instagram? Cosmo? A random stranger at the gym? Forcing yourself to be more self aware about these fixed ideas you have about your body may allow you to see yourself differently and in a more positive light.
Communication with yourself and your partner is key
Worrying about what your partner thinks of your sexual skills is wasting your time. Instead, communicate with your partner. Take that step, even if you feel insecure, and simply ask, ‘does what i’m doing feel good?’ or tell them ‘I like it when you do…’. Why? Because we’re unique. No matter how much research you do on new positions or tricks to try, the best approach to sexual pleasure for you and your partner is to communicate what you like or what turns you on. Remember also that your most important sexual relationship is with yourself! It is not up to your partner to discover what feels best for you. To improve your communication skills in the bedroom ask yourself, how do you feel about communicating what you like or want? Do you judge yourself for what you like? Withholding information like this is self-sabotage, so try to allow yourself to be vulnerable. It may be easier to talk about sex outside of the bedroom if that seems more up your ally. Regardless, your sexual partner should want to please you as much as they want to please themself, so tell them what makes you feel good!