Don’t Look Back

Once the damage is done in a relationship and a couple has decided to call it quits, it’s incredibly easy to want to continue the fight. Whether one party cheated on the other, someone is moving away, the couple has simply grown apart and changed individually– or whatever the case may be– the understandable feeling of anger and frustration towards someone you once loved makes it oh so difficult to stop the conversation. Fighting this forceful urge to continue talking to an ex has the power to improve your life in so many ways. If you want to get over someone and make it last, this is your best bet. Anyone who can speak on this from personal experience can say that incorporating the “No Contact Rule” is well worth it. 


The No Contact Rule consists of cutting off all forms of communication after a breakup. Yep, sorry- this includes everything: call, text, Snapchat, Instagram DM, Venmo and even talking to friends and family about the aftermath of the breakup. The No Contact Rule is powerful because of the hurt it causes. According to sex and grief coach Breeshia Wade, it allows you to sit with your grief and wounds and not plug up any holes or feelings of brokenness with someone else. Breakups can be so painful that people will resort to talking to their ex-partners to soothe the pain in the given moment, even if it results in more long-term pain. It’s easy to trick yourself into thinking that your fairytale will work out with this person, and maybe it will, but in most cases, it’s vital to remember that trash is thrown out for a reason.

The No Contact Rule will help you turn it off. It will take time and won’t happen just like that, but the incorporation of the No Contact Rule allows people to connect with their pain and sit in it, despite how hard it is. Crawling over the big hump of pain in your life’s journey will feel slow, but soon enough that pain will turn into passion. Your time will open up, leaving space for activities that you didn’t welcome in your life before. Suddenly, joy in passion and hobbies will create a space for the freshly grown individual you have evolved into. 

Channel Your Energy Somewhere Else:

  • Go on a walk every day. Use this time to incorporate a little bit of gentle exercise while managing to listen to your favorite music, podcast or connect on a phone call with an old friend. 

  • Make new breakfasts. For those who aren’t adventurous cooks, making breakfast isn’t too hard. Venturing out into new foods with your free time can spur a new passion project. 

  • Watch a reality T.V. show or two. Escaping into a reality T.V. show (that might not even be that realistic) is the best place to let your mind wander. You can laugh and judge people’s unconventional lives all you want. It might help you realize that your messy situation isn’t that messy.

  • Indulge in a bedtime routine. When life is painful, focus on yourself. Getting a deeper look into a skincare routine, a shower routine, a nightly journal routine, etc. will bring serenity into your day-to-day life.

  • Write down your lessons learned. The most valuable person in your life is yourself- not in a conceited way, but in a fulfilling way. Learn these new lessons with a focus on your individual happiness. 

At the end of the day.. or at the end of a few months… a breakup is a good thing. The No Contact Rule has the power to mend what has been broken and introduce a new life to you. If you start to live without their presence in your life, moving on can become much easier and soon enough, their absence will no longer be noticed.