Self-Sabotage: Your Worst Enemy

Sometimes when something in our lives is going well, and strides are being taken in the right direction, we do something to take it away. Whether it's a relationship that’s going perfectly, a goal that’s just about to be accomplished or an exciting opportunity coming our way, some of us will intentionally or even unconsciously do something to stop it.

This is called self-sabotage, and many people put themselves through it on a daily basis. There are a bunch of different reasons we keep ourselves from progressing forward or from experiencing something that could be really good for us, and, usually, that reason is deeply rooted within ourselves.

If you think you might practice self-sabotaging behavior, think about if you often do things like this: going out when you know you have a big essay due the next day, watching a whole season of a show instead of studying for a difficult exam or picking a fight with your boyfriend or your best friend.

The reasons some people might choose to self-sabotage can vary. It might have to do with wanting to be in control or fear of change or failure. Some people are so comfortable with things being ordinary or routine that the thought of an exciting new thing scares them too much. These underlying issues show that it’s not a surface-level issue, and you have to look inward to overcome self-sabotaging habits.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, you may be a self-sabotager. So now the question is, how do you address it?

First and foremost, you should identify and understand what your triggers are. What are the circumstances or emotions that cause you to self-sabotage? For some people, it could be going on social media. Scrolling through social media can cause a lot of us to unhealthily compare ourselves to the people we see online. If you feel inferior to these internet personas, you might act out on those emotions to make yourself feel even less worthy. For others, it could be as simple as the people they surround themselves with. If you are spending time with people who don’t lift you up or are staying in a toxic environment, you could be giving into self-destructive behavior.

The more you know about self-sabotage, the more you can do to prevent it. There are tons of articles online, but we specifically recommend one book that breaks it down perfectly, “The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery.”  

Finally, practicing positive self-talk and self-love is always a good idea, but it’s essential when it comes to self-sabotage. Whether it’s saying daily affirmations, journaling, meditating or simply observing your internal voice, positive self-love and self-talk are the keys to protecting yourself. If you believe you deserve good things, you will let yourself experience them when they come your way.