Sobriety in Society
Alcohol surrounds us. It’s in the glass we use to toast the latest accomplishments of a family member. It’s on the billboard we drive by every day on our way home. It’s at every major milestone, from birthdays to graduations to weddings. We use it when congratulating and celebrating, but we never question why. For a long time, most people accepted alcohol’s fixed presence in their lives without a second thought. But in 2018, Ruby Warrington wrote a book that shifted both social conversations and perceptions of alcohol consumption.
Warrington introduced the notion of sober curiosity in “Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol.” Throughout her writing, Warrington dives into society’s glorification of alcohol and the benefits that come from questioning this — physically, mentally and emotionally. Sober curiosity is not only a prominent movement worth discussing, but it is also an invitation to explore your relationship with both alcohol and yourself.
Sober curiosity is defined by Warrington as choosing to “question or get curious about every impulse, invitation and expectation to drink, versus mindlessly going along with the dominant drinking culture.” In a college setting, this may seem impossible. Most, if not all, social outings involve alcohol consumption. The question always seems to be, “Why aren’t you going out?” instead of the alternative, “Do you want to stay in?” It can be difficult to imagine an alcohol-less social life. College drinking culture might make you feel like an outsider for questioning your relationship with alcohol, but the benefits of a deeper understanding of yourself far outweigh what you’ll miss.
Let’s first clear up a common misconception about sober curiosity. By choosing this path, you aren’t giving up alcohol altogether. You are simply taking a step back from it. It could look like taking a moment to decide if you really want to drink, and considering why you want to drink before you do. It could also be a night you choose to stay in even though everyone’s going out. It could even be going out with your friends without drinking at all to see how it feels. Who are you without a drink in your hand or alcohol in your system? Sober curiosity forges a path for you to find out.
Many people on a sober curious path examine their reasons for drinking. While some believe it “cures” their social anxiety, others find it numbs emotional trauma. In college, students face ongoing pressure and stress from school, jobs and relationships. Simultaneously, they are forced to figure out who they are and prepare for the rest of adulthood in four short years. It’s no surprise they turn to the substance that is marketed as an escape from the stress of daily life and a guarantee of a good time. The underlying issue is that alcohol is normalized as a “fix-it.” You feel more confident and at ease when you’re drinking. Your problems seem to melt away in the moment, but this is a short-term fix to potentially long-term problems. As people become dependent on a substance to manage inner struggles, they turn away from the work they need to be doing to process their issues and fully heal. Not everyone drinks to numb, but many people unconsciously take part in this habit. It takes stepping away to come to this realization. As for people who drink for other reasons, like trying to fit in or to relax, participating in sober curiosity allows them to find out why alcohol is fulfilling those needs and if there is a healthier alternative.
To emphasize again, sober curiosity doesn’t mean never having a drink again. Rather, it’s an examination of alcohol’s role in your life. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to explore your relationship with alcohol. It’s never too early to work on yourself, but at a certain point, it can become too late. Although it’s difficult to come to terms with, your relationship with alcohol impacts every aspect of your life from academics to your overall well-being. Some people wait until a traumatic, life-altering experience or the diagnosis of an incurable illness to get serious about their choices surrounding alcohol. That doesn’t have to be you.
It’s not easy to step away from alcohol, even if it’s just for a weekend. But, it’s easier to look at the benefits rather than at what you’ll be missing out on if you choose to do so. Aside from the plentiful positive physical effects, it also will give you an opportunity to develop new healthy habits and deepen relationships with others. It doesn’t have to be an isolating experience.
From Hekate in New York to Zero Proof in Raleigh, mocktail bars have popped up all over the country to foster social scenes for those experimenting with sobriety. The hashtag #sobercurious has more than 301 million views on TikTok, as conversations about sobriety have now spread across social media.
Normalizing sobriety, especially in a college setting, is difficult but possible. Society has embedded this expectation that alcohol is necessary to have fun, but new sober experiences will help you to challenge that idea. The “best four years of your life” are based on freedom and friendships, not the time you passed out in an Uber and had to pay a $150 fine. From hangovers to hangxiety, students often ignore the negative effects of alcohol in exchange for a night out with fuzzy memories. On your journey, you might even discover that alcohol subtracts from your quality of life more than it adds. Some find that it doesn’t have a negative impact, and they return to their normal drinking habits. That’s okay, too. Either way, your ability to embrace getting intentional about alcohol consumption will be rewarding as you discover more about yourself.
Your life may change as a result of your new relationship with alcohol. At first, as with any new thing, it’s uncomfortable. Losing experiences and people you once valued may tempt you to abandon your curiosity and revert back to old habits. While this is completely acceptable since progress isn’t linear, it’s important that you are able to look past the temporary discomfort and toward your ideal life. Show yourself kindness and compassion as you navigate sober curiosity.
Everyone deserves to discover the best and happiest version of themselves; whether or not that version involves alcohol should be completely up to you, and not based on societal standards.
Cover Photo by Ana Luisa Scholtes