How to Navigate a Friendship Breakup

Despite our best efforts, not all friendships last. Some grow apart, others fizzle out—some even blow up. And unlike our romantic relationships, which we can accept may have an end date, we don’t expect our friendships to end, like ever. According to friendship coach Danielle Jackson, “The research shows female friendships, in particular, have a greater impact on our overall life satisfaction than our romantic relationships.” Meaning, it can and likely will be devastating to lose a friend and part ways. With this in mind, we’ve put together our best tips and tricks to help you move past a recent breakup.

Grieve the relationship

Scream, cry, meditate, journal, rest, run, mourn—this is your starting point. Post-breakup you’ll likely be feeling a little lost (without your partner in crime), emotional and more depending on the extremity of the relationship. The wound is fresh and we recommend honoring that. Let yourself be vulnerable, sad, happy, grateful, distraught, etc. You can’t move forward without this period of confusion/grief/happiness/whatever you are feeling. Don’t rush it. Feel it out, scream it out, journal it out, run it out.

Reflect on the breakup

Examine what went wrong. This type of reflection is best completed sometime after the split—when things have settled and are less raw. This will help you approach the split with clarity, rather than mixed emotions. This could be days, weeks, months or even years after a breakup. Whether you're examining a relationship that ended a year ago or a few weeks ago, here are some questions we like to ask ourselves after a friendship breakup.

-Why did things really end?

-Was the problem a pattern/consistent issue or an isolated incident?

-Is there a pattern in my wake? Examine past friendship breakups to see if there is something you can change.

-Am I ready to fully leave this relationship in the past and move forward?

Our best advice is to write a letter to said person, and then *drumroll please….* don’t send it. Burn it, shred it, crumple it up, cut it into a million pieces, throw it out…don’t send it! Unsent letters are a popular form of writing therapy that can make you feel seen in a dancing-when-no-one-watching or singing-when-no-one-listening type of way while providing yourself with some closure. This is a great opportunity to address any remaining feelings/rocks from a relationship while respecting the split/leaving the other party out of your healing process.

Put yourself back out there

While this can be daunting, the next and final step is to meet new people on campus or put more energy into some of your existing relationships.

We recommend sending a few texts to the cool people in your outer circles that you’ve always wanted to get to know better. Think about people in your Greek org, peers from club sports/intramurals, work friends, fun people in your classes, etc. Expanding your circle can be as simple as sending a text saying “Hey!! I think you’re cool” or some different sort of compliment and “I’ve been meaning to reach out—do you want to grab coffee this week?”

Friendship breakups are hard. It’s important to recognize that everyone has parted ways with a friend at one point or another. It’s normal and natural to outgrow, drift, disagree or intentionally disconnect from someone. It happens! We’re all experiencing life for the first time and simultaneously learning, growing and changing at varying speeds.