The Power of Hearing "No"
With the start of another semester comes intriguing new opportunities, and the encouragement to apply for anything and everything runs rampant across Elon’s campus. It’s a time for trying new things and really putting yourself out there. But, what happens when these experiences don’t go your way?
It can be incredibly easy to become overwhelmed with all the opportunities and events that occur after arriving on campus, however they can lead to some important life lessons. Even at a small school like Elon, clubs, organizations and jobs can be quite competitive, and it can be exhausting getting caught in the cycle of hearing, “We had a high number of applications, but please try again next semester.” No matter the reason, it’s never easy or comfortable to feel this sense of rejection or failure.
“When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking.”
Trust me, I’ve had a lot of experience with this. Within a matter of weeks, I lost an SGA election, received a rejection letter from an organization I was really looking forward to being a part of and (my personal favorite) had a ridiculously embarrassing a capella audition, during which I was asked to beatbox for the first time in my entire life. Of course, these moments felt incredibly disheartening, but I soon learned they actually made me a stronger and more tenacious woman. They taught me the importance of being a self-advocate and not letting fear get in the way of something that could be amazing.
This feeling of failure or disappointment can seem isolating, but there can be a lot of power in hearing just one little word: no. It might not feel like it immediately, but these so-called failures make you so much stronger and resilient, and you will eventually feel eager to get up and try again. But sometimes, it just feels good to hear someone else say it.
One on-campus organization is here to help struggling students by sharing stories and keeping a positive mindset, even in disappointing moments. Founded in the spring of 2017 by Caroline Dean and Tyson Glover, Phoenix Flops shines the spotlight on student stories with the hopes of normalizing “failure” on campus and teaching our community the importance of resilience in what can seem like difficult or isolating times.
The program is focused on teaching students not only about the shared experiences occurring throughout campus but also the many ways we can learn from these difficult moments. Current director Jack Taylor ‘21 believes Phoenix Flops is crucial to the success of students on campus.
“Everybody goes through [failure] in some way, especially in college, but not everyone may realize that,” Jack says. “By talking about it, we can help take away the feeling of isolation that might come with a failure if you know someone else has gone through something similar. [...] College is a big adjustment period, so naturally it can result in some flops because you're still figuring things out and knowing that it is okay to fail and learn from it is helpful for someone who may be going through a failure they've never faced before.”
Photo from pexels.com.
The organization is here for students who are having an especially difficult time, and it advocates for the difficult discussions about the obstacles and adversity that we all face in college. Jack says the club has been such a positive asset to his college experience, and he is thrilled to see how much Phoenix Flops continues to grow over the years alongside the engagement he’s noticed across campus.
“I have had a lot of really great conversations about failure with people as a result of being part of Phoenix Flops, and I feel as if it has only strengthened my relationships with them because it has allowed for more vulnerable and authentic conversations,” says Jack. “I've even had people approach me about specific Flops we've posted and share how they went through something similar or were particularly inspired.”
Phoenix Flops shares stories of Elon students’ awkward or uncomfortable incidents during college on social media and this year has partnered with the Center for Design Thinking to offer both virtual and physically distanced “Flopshops,” focused on encouraging Elon students to learn about the importance of failure and resilience, especially during college. If you are interested in sharing your story or want to learn more about the movement, follow @phoenixflops on Instagram and Facebook for more information.
So please, don’t be afraid! Because the truth is, even if you feel disappointed in a missed experience or opportunity, it's not failure, and it’s certainly not rejection. College is a time meant for trying new things, and the difficult moments where we might hear “no” are actually what help us grow the most. Refuse to let yourself sit and stress in your own pity. Have a quick cry. Let it all out. Be a self-advocate. Get yourself back up. Try again. Something even more incredible could be just around the corner.